dear me.

A letter to me, while pregnant with my first baby.

Dear me,

It's going to be ok.
You are not going to lose yourself forever, even though it feels like it right now.
Don't worry about them, their opinion really doesn't matter.
Hug your little brother and tell him you are sorry, don't hang up the phone angry.
Marriage isn't always this hard, but it won't be easy. Just keep hanging on to him.
Have fun, laugh.
Don't stop on your way home from the hospital, go home. Sit. Rest.
Don't worry about anything else, just Gabe and you. The rest can wait, babies don't.
Take Gabe with you, listen to your instinct and take Gabe with you.
Mom and dad really might know the answers to a few things.
Even when things feel like they are falling apart, you're going to be alright, I promise.
This little baby will change you in ways that you cannot even imagine.
When things get hard, don't give up, get help.
Someday you'll love your body for what it is doing right now.
Get off the couch and make some friends.
That first year has been so hard, but you'll remember it with rose colored glasses, so it isn't a complete waste.
Hold him, don't feel a bit guilty when you are doing it.
Listen to your instincts, they are God given and reliable.
The little boy growing inside of you will grow into the coolest little boy. He will change your entire view of the world and make you a better person for it. He will save your sanity and push you to the brink of insanity. Holding him will make life easier to bear.
Someday you will find a new "normal" but the journey will be painful.
Nurse him, it will solve so many problems.
Love Joe, remember he is on his own journey.
Someday you'll wonder how you managed life before you became a mom, and it's not that far in the future.