Tuesday, June 29, 2010


At the risk of sounding like my adolescent self, music may be one of my favorite things in life. Easily. All kinds really. Reggae, country, blues, oldies, pretty much anything. The right song can salvage even the worst day. My favorite moments with Joe and my babies are connected to a song. I won't lie, Jack Johnson has been the soundtrack for many of my recent memories. When I think of Matt, out pops Incubus, takes me back to my 19th birthday and all the wildness that a 3 kids can get into at a good concert. Allison Krauss comes on and I can't stop my voice from singing along. Give me a Bob Marley song to make the worst day seem like a blessing. Where would I be without it?

Today we had a full day of dentist appointments, La Leche League friends and then I came home to sort through all the totes of clothes from the basement. Time already to figure out what the kids need for fall clothes. Sorting through their clothes, so many little memories come out. The way Ava smiled when I let her wear the polka dot jumper to school with her favorite comfy boots, how blue Judah's eyes looked with that sweater, and how grown up Gabe looked in that button-up. Don't even get me started on sorting through Ruby's tiny baby things. Kill me now. As much as I loved her that first moment I met her cannot compare with the joy of discovering this whole new little person. It has amazed me 4 times now. This sweet, ridiculous baby becomes an individual with opinions and thoughts. Next she'll move to sharing complete thoughts and asking questions. I won't know the answers to half of them. Ok over half. Gabe has already proven to me how little I REALLY know, lol.

As much as my children have impacted me, it has only been enhance by the wonderful friends I have, from before and since I became a mama. Bless the ones who followed me along this winding little trail I have been on these past 7 years. Heck, the trail I was on before wasn't much different really. My life really has been so blessed by my friends. Some of my darkest moments and rawest experiences have been shared with them. Seems like so many of my friends are going through such real hardships right now. It must be the mama in me that wants to sweep in and make the bad stuff go away, but we can't do it can we? We can't do it for another adult and we can't do it for our babies. It's the downfall of being human I suppose.

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain..." -Bob Marley


Today I had a conversation, bright and early with my littlest love. I knew this day woudl come, but it has come a bit quicker than I wanted it too. She's becoming a little lady instead of my tiny baby. It helped that she has always been a petite little thing and that we still enjoy our "nursie" time. Helped mama transition and hopefully my little RubyD as well. I love all of my 4 children so dearly and so differently, but my Ruby in many ways fulfilled my journey as a mama. So many hopes had fallen flat with my other 3 babies for one reason or another. But with Ruby things just came together so nicely.
I could write such a similar post about my 3 older children, just a different theme. I tend to dwell on what my children have done for me, perhaps I should be dwelling more on what I do for my children. That seems like an endless list, but I firmly believe that those daily chores mean nothing without love backing them up. I tend to fall so short of that goal. So short. There is not always love running through me as I clean the bathroom floor after my impatient 3 year old ahs had poor aim or as I scrub marker off the walls. But there needs to be. One of my deepest desires for my children is to feel loved and valued. *sigh* I suppose I may never feel like I have done a good job with that, but I'll try nonetheless.

Monday, June 28, 2010


So I originally ceased blogging because it seemed to become a bit mundane and repetitive for me. Not others, just my writing and daily life. But I am at a point where I miss dearly the ability to look back and reflect on where I have been. And also sharing my thoughts with someone anyone out there. So, starting after dinner I will be blogging once more. You lucky ducks. Welcome back to the mundane life of....me.