cry.

When it rains it pours. When you think you know how things will be, they rarely end up that way. The way things have worked out for me, I am too young for anyone to be happy when things happen. When I announced an engagement I got eye rolls, when we had a wedding half our guest list showed up, when we were pregnant, well, there were no cheers or applause. And so it goes, I have come to the point where I don't expect it. Then you don't cy when it never comes. I have said that same cliche phrase "I don't care if anyone else is happy, I am" a thousand times to myself and it still never really sinks in. I still cry. Thankfully, I have matured to the poin where I am able to be more understanding, but still, I can't wrap my head around the way it would feel to have people happy for you and be there for you.

boo hoo.

Here I am sitting at the computer, should be "working". But instead I am putzing around, my normal shut-down for feeling overhwhelmed. Lots of little changes are going on within our family, kids growing up, summer 2/3s over, the middle 2 hanging out with Gigi for a week. I am just feeling a bit overwhelmed and perhaps overextended. If I know myself, as I do, this feeling will shift to a feeling of busyness and contentment, but today I feel overhwhelmed.

hm.

Somedays it seems like my life is full of experiences that make me think " I will never do that to someone". I think I need to make a list to remind myself. It seems like everyone else gives me the examples of how NOT to treat other people. So, my list so far is as follows

*Always open the door for someone else. If I am walking out, hold it open.
*Always smile at a mama who looks like she is frazzled, or anyone for that matter.
*Smile at mamas nursing their babies. Enough people are staring and gawking.
*Never love someone else's children better than your own.
*Encourage anyone when you have the chance.
*Affirm before you educate.
*tell the people who bless you that that you are blessed to be around them.
*Never let your children feel boring and unimportant.
*Never take value away from your children because they chose a different path than you did.
*Listen.
*Take a second to lay on the floor and let your children climb on you.
*Gently remind your children that you are a person worthy of respect. They will treat others the way they treat you. It's fact.
*You can never be too tender with a child, but you have to be just as well.
*Be your child's biggest fan. Everyone deserves that faith and trust.
*Teaching your children manners is never a waste of time.
*Always give someone a chance to change.
*Embrace change even when it hurts, or when it symbolizes loss. When God closes a door, He opens a window.
*Love without strings attached.
*Don't expect things you aren't willing to give in return.
*It is NEVER anyone's job to make you happy. never. It's a side-effect.
*Always ask before you take. Anything, even from a good friend.
*Never be in such a hurry that you have to be rude to someone.
Unless it's an emergency, slow down.


There are so many more.

finish line..

Well the thing about getting things started is that you have to finish the projects aready started. So... I am. Out of 6 cables for my clicks, I only have 1 not being used (well 2, now that this is done!)

I am takign a break from baby gift knitting, no offense to my pregnant friends, but that list seems to be neverending, a good problem to have. I do have some finished items sitting in my tub as well as some other handmade goodies, so never fear.

Next on the list for my needles is a hoodie for Judah with dinosaur on the pocket and a hoodie sweater for Gabe with I think intarsia space invaders, I am not 100% solid on that yet.

For Ruby I am leaning towards a February baby sweater and for Averie, no clue.

*sigh* off to knit!

:)

Crisis averted, photos have been saved, hallelujah!

In other news, now that we have passed the half-a year milestone, I am thinking towards Christmas crafting for gifts. Some dear friends of mine have also been hard at work already and have inspired me to make a "to knit" list for Christmas. You know to save the needles on the fire the week before Christmas problem I had last year!
So: Here goes.....if you're on this list, disregard.

Joe: .....a sweater I believe. There I said it, now I have to do it!
Gabe: Because well, a boy likes what he likes I am going to do a hat with a Star Wars pattern
Averie: a Spritely Hat
Judah: A knitted toddler helmet with spikes on the top to match his dragon scarf and sweater....he likes to roar!
Ruby: I am thinking a spritely hat as well.
Hillary: sweater and finish last year's slippers

I need a few ideas for the girls' gifts, I'll be honest. Perhaps a sweater?

My preparing for fall knitting includes birthday sweaters for my fall babies. Judah will get a dino hoodie and Ruby a february baby sweater. Those projects have to do done first :)

gone.

All of our photos that is. My laziness won out again and I am so bad at printing out our photos. I share them on Facebook and forget to print them out. It is funny to me that with thousands of photos on our computer I have very few recent photos in our home. Weird, huh? Well, I am trying not to be sad. However, it's the photos that I never put on Facebook that I am mourning. My sweet nursing photos with Ruby, such a treasure. I have my memories though, right?

what we did on the 4th.

we made jam. triple berry jam.

Strawberries that the kids and I picked the week before our Ohio trip, blueberries from the farmer's market and raspberries, well from the grocery store.

This was on my "to do" list and I am so thankful Joe lent a hand. We ended up having a fun little night of jam making while the kids relaxed and watched Cars. Since it was rainy we had bummed around taking lazy Sunday naps and took a little outing to the grocery followed by a similarly lazy little drive around town.

Then home to make jam :) And since we are dorks we took pictures, many pictures of the process. We used a fantastic pectin called Pomona's thanks to a few friends of mine that have used it, I got some at the Granary before it closed for the weekend, so glad I did! While many jam recipes called for 8 cups of sugar per 8 cups of fruit (I just couldn't do it!) we used a whopping 2 cups of sugar and 2 cups of honey for 21 cups of fruit and it turned out VERY yummy! So happy to have a lower sugar option!

So, anyway. Many thanks to Joe for working his math magic on the Pomona's recipe maker.

We set to work getting everything ready to make jam. I cannot say enough times how much more fun this is when you are working with someone. Oh and put on a good cd or listen to a countdown on the radio.

Our recipe was:

21 cups of fruit

10.5 T pectin

10.5 T Calcium water

2 c honey

2 c sugar

1/2 c lemon juice

which yielded: 10 pints and 10 4oz mini-jam jars

After sampling it this morning, I am very pleased with the outcome.

Homemade jam and jelly is something I remember from my growing up years. My mom and grandma always had homemade strawberry, strawberry-rhubarb ( my favorite) apple butter, grape, raspberry etc. The list goes on. It was so good and I remember getting the jar out of the fridge for dessert of jam on biscuits. Making my own has been so much fun.

I love finding hobbies that Joe and I seem to enjoy together. At some points that is hard to come by, but the farmer's market and canning seem to be 2 of our favorites and they yield a yummy bounty. Now, if only we could pull a garden together! There's always next year, right?

dear me.

A letter to me, while pregnant with my first baby.

Dear me,

It's going to be ok.
You are not going to lose yourself forever, even though it feels like it right now.
Don't worry about them, their opinion really doesn't matter.
Hug your little brother and tell him you are sorry, don't hang up the phone angry.
Marriage isn't always this hard, but it won't be easy. Just keep hanging on to him.
Have fun, laugh.
Don't stop on your way home from the hospital, go home. Sit. Rest.
Don't worry about anything else, just Gabe and you. The rest can wait, babies don't.
Take Gabe with you, listen to your instinct and take Gabe with you.
Mom and dad really might know the answers to a few things.
Even when things feel like they are falling apart, you're going to be alright, I promise.
This little baby will change you in ways that you cannot even imagine.
When things get hard, don't give up, get help.
Someday you'll love your body for what it is doing right now.
Get off the couch and make some friends.
That first year has been so hard, but you'll remember it with rose colored glasses, so it isn't a complete waste.
Hold him, don't feel a bit guilty when you are doing it.
Listen to your instincts, they are God given and reliable.
The little boy growing inside of you will grow into the coolest little boy. He will change your entire view of the world and make you a better person for it. He will save your sanity and push you to the brink of insanity. Holding him will make life easier to bear.
Someday you will find a new "normal" but the journey will be painful.
Nurse him, it will solve so many problems.
Love Joe, remember he is on his own journey.
Someday you'll wonder how you managed life before you became a mom, and it's not that far in the future.

joe.

I have always considered it a sort of blessing that we weren't married very long before we became parents. We have always had a pretty flexible marriage due to stretching our attention right away. There have been some really rough spots, but I think we've done alright. There are things I miss about that time in our lives for sure, but we've traded it for a full, albeit sometimes stressful life.
I do miss having my husband's undivided attention. But I am thankful a hundred times over that my husband works his tail off every day for us and that we have been chosen to parent 4 amazing children. Now, if I can just figure out how to do that without scarring them for life....
I wish I could write a blog for you that would explain in detail how to "keep your marriage alive" whilst having children. I can't. There are some days that it is so evident that if not by the grace of God, we would have separated long ago. Long hours at work, hurt feelings, hormones, babies, money stress, moving, family stress, growing up, college classes, changing focus, changing churches, losing loved ones, depression, loss, family abandonment, addiction..... these are some of the things we've survived in 7 years. I could not have done it without him. When I think of my life without him, there is very little left. He has given me 4 babies, held my hand when I gave them to him, kissed my tears away a hundred times and still says I'm beautiful to him.
I'm so blessed that with every change we've eventually grown back together stronger than we were before.
He truly is my perfect match.